I really like this song. Try hearing it as referring to God instead of a woman.
I really like this song. Try hearing it as referring to God instead of a woman.
We have been doing foster care for a few years now. We have come across kids with trauma. That was to be expected. What I didn’t expect was how much of that trauma was to be inflicted by other Christians also doing foster care who have stupid beliefs and shitty practices. Forcing kids to go to church services, rejecting or not allowing them to be placed in the home because they don’t believe in God, or because they use crude language, or because *gasp* they are sexually active. That junk is just the tip of the iceberg. Most of these kids have attachment issues, and many of them we have encountered have had those made worse by people who ‘just wanted to love them’, but apparently have a very poor idea of what that really should looks like. To be fair, I am still figuring that out too, but at least I am pretty sure loving troubled kids shouldn’t involve heaping even more rejection, detachment, and judgement on them, nor neglecting their needs for attention because of the prioritization of dumb church activities!
A bit from chapter 8 of God At War by Greg Boyd. I have been slowly reading this over the last year. I have been finding myself more and more fed up with people who try to credit God for tragedy or discern is secret purpose in evil. They are miserable comforters and I just want to call them out on it!
More refugees, another school shooting, errant drone strikes, and other such things where people are dying or suffering who should not. This is the news lately. But I could almost say this on any given day and it would be true it seems. Tragedy, and evil are nothing new, and yet it feels newly tragic each time. That must be the reason everyone, myself included, feels the compulsion to to make the poignant comment on Facebook or Twitter that is going to mean something. I have been wondering if the underlying desire driving the commentary is to help more often than not. Practically speaking what else can most of us really do except talk about it. Maybe it is just trying to not to feel completely helpless or powerless in the face of such things. Saying something – trying to frame the tragedy correctly, or enlighten about the hidden underlying causes, or to motivate to action in some fashion, or arguing to change things things so it doesn’t happen again, or even reacting against the proposed counter measures one supposes will have undesirable side effects – this is all we have! In this medium at least.
Okay, this is just me convincing myself I shouldn’t feel annoyed or so disturbed by peoples opinions or commentary. At least I should temper my reaction some if I don’t like or agree with what they say keeping in mind that it means people care in some fashion, and that is so much better than apathy!
Kids kill productivity. I used to be able to get so much done in a weekend. Not that I took advantage of that a lot, but I could if I wanted! Now, home projects tend to stretch out for weeks or months. Yesterday I was majorly inhibited on a deck/landscaping project and just now, while writing this, my littlest one keeps trying to touch the computer… I was like 3 sentences in and had to take a break because he was getting upset that I kept pushing his hand away. I only started because I thought he was busy with something else for a while. It is exhausting being a parent in so many little ways that are hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t been trough it, and been through it recently I think, because, at least our parents all seem to have forgotten somehow. Yet another way I pledge to try to do better than them.
Okay, so little guys insisted on hanging out with me, like a jerk, so I tried to split the screen and put YouTube videos on, but since I am not great at doing two things at once, the SmarterEveryDay videos that I had hoped would merely distract him – and they did for a little bit – sucked me in as well. Meanwhile he got bored and began annoying me by chanting something that sounded like “cheese”… seriously?! I am amazed I get anything done at all sometimes. It’s a six-minute video for the love of peanut butter!
Another writing break to get some lunch ready because it has been two hours since they all had a snack and starvation panic attacks are setting in. I’ll be back.
So, where was I. Right, productivity. Just gone. At least in terms I used to think about it. The irony is I do more now than I used to, but is all stuff I tend to not qualify as “productive”; stuff that generally falls into the category of keeping children provided for. Needy little boogie vandals! Note to self. I need to clean the walls in their room.
Maintenance. Maintenance. Maintenance.
Just when you thought you were done – nope more maintenance. Unproductive. I don’t think I am alone in this way of thinking. Typically I don’t think janitors and babysitters are thought of as “productive” members of the workforce.
At various times I get a little depressed about this. Being productive is satisfying in a way. Being unproductive when you’d like to be productive, when there are so many things you would like to accomplish, even if it is just so you can just relax for a while, is so… frustrating!
This time breaking up a fight, finding that they have removed most of the stuff from a shelf in the closet. I guess the floor seemed like a better place? Maybe they thought there was a neat picture on the wall behind all that stuff? I decide it’s not worth the fight to get them to clean that up at the moment because it is time to get little mister shit pants ready for a nap. If only I didn’t have to hunt down that confounded stuffed animal at every nap/bedtime.
I am not making this up for effect or something. I didn’t sit down to write with the thought I would be interrupted. In hindsight, of course, I should have expected this. I think most parents will attest that this seems about right. Just a normal day-in-the-life. My wife left me alone with them for less than 48 hours! How in the world single parents stay sane is mostly incomprehensible to me. I figure you’d have to just let a lot of the tasks of keeping children provided for slide. Provided for, but less so. It’s not their fault if that is the case. Simple math. You can only do so much. Even trading sanity, sleep, or personal hygiene is only going to buy you small bits in the Sisyphean effort of child rearing.
Does having two parents present really help? I mean it should theoretically halve the burden, right? Maybe it does in some ways, but in terms of productivity? Nah, at least not in my experience. Kids are around? Then productivity is in serious jeopardy. It’s not like you take shifts with the kids. At least most of the time that isn’t how it works out, and probably wouldn’t be healthy if it did.
Even when they aren’t actively demanding your attention – like when they’re asleep – they hinder things. Have some home improvement project you were hoping to make progress on while they aren’t pestering you? Maybe if it is a quite thing, sure, but most home improvement stuff isn’t. Just need to run to the store? well, you can’t just leave them home sleeping. Coin toss for which parent gets to leave the house tonight! But don’t forget you have to weigh this plan of temporary escape against the risk that the noise of the starting car or opening garage door might wake the gremlins from their slumber. Forget it, lets just use paper towels for toilet paper.
Okay, enough of my whining/commiserating. That wasn’t what I set out to write about.
What I wanted to write about is how I am starting to be able to be okay with it all. This has to do with a realignment of perspective. Life in the big picture isn’t about being “productive”. Not to sound too much like some cliché flowery poster or something, but life is about love(1). And, since love only makes sense in terms of relationship life is also about relationships. Boil it right down, and kids, while they might be just the worst helpers(2) anyone could hope for, and are a huge productivity dampers by way of the relationship they impose on you, cannot be hindering your life. (No matter how much it feels like they are sucking the life out of you sometimes). They reduce “productivity” not life. “productivity” is not a valid synonym for life. A productive existence does not necessarily equate with an accomplished life, and these two might even negatively correlate given how relationships, messy as they tend to be, reduce productivity.
Maybe this is obvious to most people? Regardless, it is a simple truth. It is easy enough to say I believe it. On the other hand, letting it be true deeper down, and actually letting relationships have priority over productivity – this is going to continue to be a struggle.
One thing I have been trying out that is maybe helping with this some for me is incorporating the idea of a Sabbath into my schedule. And I don’t mean the drag the whole family to church services and activities for the day(3) that many people call by the same word, but more like the biblical idea of a Sabbath. One day where I intend to be entirely unproductive. The idea behind it is rest, spiritual rest more than physical rest as I understand it, so for me it isn’t about avoiding things that take energy, but about putting aside whatever to-do list I might have and focusing instead on resting, relaxing, and just enjoying life instead of working. Giving myself a break from the need and drive to be productive.
I think my wife thought this meant I just wanted to be lazy and go off by myself for one day a week since as an introverted person that is a common way I re-energize, however even as an introvert there is a certain amount of rest to be found in relationships when there isn’t any productive work I am supposed to be doing. For example, when I am not being emotionally worn down by the frustrations of trying to be productive with kids around I find I can more easily enjoy them. Even apart from Sabbath days I am attempting to see the ways that relationship interrupt productivity as less of something to be frustrated by and more like the primary thing life is about intersecting into that which is merely auxiliary to life.
1. I won’t bother to make a case for this statement, just read the bible or something. However, if you don’t agree then my conclusion won’t make any sense.
2. I cringe inside every time people at the store say to me “looks like you have a lot of helpers today”
3. Dragging my family to a church service would be almost the opposite of what Sabbath is meant to be. It is only one of the many reasons I think “church” is dumb.
4. Why WordPress doesn’t have flippin footnotes as a built-in feature by now!
I read this article on Wired.com today about how some things should be difficult to use. There were a number of really interesting tidbits in there.
It made me appreciate my drive to work in a car with a manual transmission just that much more. On the whole I like the way the clutch keeps me that much closer to the machine. Even though it is close to second nature for me since I have pretty much always had a manual transmission vehicle. I still have to have in mind engine RPM, wheel speed, and the relationship between them through the transmission. driving an automatic not so much. That is the idea of an automatic transmission.It works it all out for you, automatically.
A manual transmission isn’t always desirable – like when I get a phone call, or have children in the car bugging me – but like I said, on the whole, I like it. In general abstracting away the tools we use by making them so easy to use can have the unintentional effect of making the tool less an extension of ourselves than it is sometimes good for them to be. Cars, Cameras, and Computers are just a few examples where a more intimate understanding of the machine and how it functions ‘under the hood’ may tend toward a more skillful use of it as a tool.
I think products or tools can be easy to use while also inviting people to deeper understanding, and that this is desirable over to trying to hide things away. Many products and their designers seem bent on encouraging people to think of them as magic. To stick with the car metaphor; you don’t need to have the hood welded shut or hide the hood release. Just the presence of the seam where the car would open to reveal its inner workings sometimes enough of an invitation, or a tachometer for example. Plenty of people will never open the hood, or grok the tach. They choose not to RSVP. That’s okay. I’m sure they have their reasons. However, products that make hacking into them hard piss me off. Even if I have no intention of hacking into them ever I resent the fact that I am purposefully hindered from doing so. I equate it at a basic level with a hindrance to understanding, to thinking, to learning to skillfuly use a tool. In my opinion is therefore important to make sure, if you err, you err in the other direction.
I saw this video today, and it got my mind going on a topic I have been rolling around in the back of my mind for a while.
As someone who has travelled and lived overseas, and who has friends from all over the world, I like to think I am fairly cultured. That I am good at having a healthy perspective, or it should be easy for me to be tolerant of and aware of things that are merely cultural differences. For example, to not judge people based on the language they speak, or the culture they have been influenced by. Yet, I notice that I feel less apt to take the step to actively do that with Americans who vary from me culturally than I am for non-Americans.
I have a friend who hates it when people say “I’m not racist, but [insert something he will automatically interpret as racist here]”, so I hesitate to use the phrase. But, I guess that he, along with many others who often cry ‘racist’, incorrectly confound racism with cultural prejudice. So I am going to say it that way anyway, and just stick with me to the end of what I have to say.
I would say that I am not racist, but that I think my cultural prejudices could be interpreted as judging people based on genetic heritage (race). In fact, I think I just have some issues with cultures that are distinct, while also sharing enough in common with my own culture that I have trouble as perceiving them as a distinct culture; one that I should be sensitive to and tolerant of. I mean this in the proper sense of tolerance. Which is to say, not that you dismiss all aspects of a culture as okay just because, “it’s cultural”, but that you use proper discernment to separate the parts that deserve to be judged by moral/ethical standards from the parts that don’t.
Language dialects probably don’t merit cultural prejudice any more than clothing or food differences do, but I miss that somehow. I suspect I am not the only one to make this mistake. It seems to me tolerance as a virtue is just easier in some ways when it is more obvious that you need to be exercising it. Language dialects are to close maybe. They just slip by without triggering in me whatever makes me switch on the anti prejudice portion of my mind.
While I can’t say I don’t cringe a little inside when someone uses ‘axe’ in place of ‘ask’, or odd (to me) double negatives like “don’t nobody …”, I have been trying to see this pattern of speech as cultural rather than one based out of ignorance of language or lack of intelligence. It does help to think about what the British or someone from two hundred years ago would have thought about the way I talk.
I have been contemplating the theological idea of penal substitutionary atonement. It’s the one often preached as ‘Jesus took your punishment for sin and died on the cross in your place’ or some similar variant. As I understand it, it goes hand in hand with the concept that each person has a sin debt that must be paid. There are lots of legal or economic metaphors for the sin debt and how Jesus effectively takes care of that for us. But whatever the metaphor, in my mind, the doctrine has held some merit because God being perfectly just meant sin couldn’t merely be forgiven.
Over the past few years and recently in reading on the topic more I have started to get a new perspective on the idea of justice though. Whereas I had seen justice as sort of opposite of mercy in very rationalistic terms – mercy being not getting what you deserve, and justice being getting what you deserve – I have started to embrace the more emotional aspects of these words which changes their meanings dramatically. ‘Do the crime do the time’ used to make more sense to me than it does now. Jail and even kids time outs may still serve some purpose, but I have pretty much given up on it being about serving the purpose of justice. And letting people just get away with whatever bad behavior doesn’t equate to mercy in my mind.
This quote struck a chord in me, ‘If we want to understand the concept of justice as the writers of the Old Testament did, then we must see it as a “setting things right again”.’ how did I miss this? It’s all over the place in scripture, and even just common sense says Justice has more to do with restoration than punishment. And mercy! Mercy isn’t leniency, it isn’t neglecting punishment, it’s about being compassionate. Compassion meaning to truly see through the eyes of another. Jesus had mercy on sinners not because he was denying their sin, but precisely because he did see.
In light of this, the dichotomy between a “God of justice” in the Old Testament and a “God of mercy” in the New mostly disappears. The supposed split in his character dissolves. God has always been compassionate and loving, he has always been mercifully seeking justice. Jesus reveals who God is and who God has always been. Justice is about mercy. Justice comes through mercy and always has.
For me I feel like the penal substitutionary atonement doctrine has gotten in my way. I don’t know if I am ready to say it is altogether inaccurate, but I am pretty sure it is overemphasized and often oversimplified in ways that, at the least, paints an inaccurate and incomplete picture.
Was thinking about the 9/11 memorial stuff. Not to propose that it was a conspiracy, or wasn’t, I haven’t looked much into it honestly, but I remembered an article I read once about Pearl Harbor, so I went back and read it again http://mises.org/daily/6312/ .
Even if the shocking accusation of the administration being aware of the Japanese attack are false I think it is notable as an example that common perceptions of headline events are often out of context, and, at least sometimes, these misperceptions are sought, shaped, and manipulated intentionally by the powers that be.
Sidebar: Sometimes I am afraid I suspect to many conspiracies. However, while I don’t think it is healthy to look for hidden motivations behind everything, I have sort of consoled myself with the realization that it would actually be weirder if there weren’t conspiracies. So, of course there are conspiracies! People lie and manipulate all the time, and it only follows that some lies and manipulations involve the collusion of multiple parties. That is the definition of conspiracy, right. I should look it up. Yes, that’s pretty much spot on.
Back on topic, what does this imply about how we ought to think about the tragedy of 9/11 or about the war in Syria that we are on the cusp of jumping into? Some very loose conclusions I have: It seems quite likely to me that 9/11 was blow-back from excessive US interventions overseas and to few people talk about that. It seems pretty obvious that public opinion around it was manipulated towards questionable ends, though the details and motivations are still pretty cloudy to me. It seems scepticism towards the current propaganda on the Syria situation is reasonable.